Monday, November 29, 2010

Death of a Friendship- Cont.

    Earlier this year (approx. 6 months ago) I spoke about the, "Death of a friendship".
    If you need a refresher you can go HERE.

    I originally chose to end this friendship due to the stress it had me under. Stress is not good for my disease. It's actually very very b a d.

    It seems just like yesterday I was dealing with this issue.
    The possible loss of this good friend, due to some hurt feelings and ultimately the severe stress of it all.
    Don’t worry, if you read back HERE, this friend did not literally die.
    Just our  f r i e n d s h i p.
    It was not looking too good,  then there was a discussion.
    So things were a little better for awhile. So I thought. Then it slowly seemed to slip away.
    I tried, Honestly I did. To make things better. I think sometimes however when the damage is done, its hard to ever go back to the way it was. Wouldn't you agree?
    I would send him FB messages,to call me. I would ask how he was doing. I would invite him out. I put alot of effort into trying to repair our friendship.
    I got minimal effort on his part.  In my world a friendship is a 50/50 thing. You give , I give.
    I am not one to give everything and receive nothing in return, but excuses.
    So anyway, on multiple occasions I have invited this friend out to meet me. Always an excuse, as to why he couldn’t make it. I get it, he has a family and responsibilities. But come on, every single time. Really?
    My thought is if he really wanted to come out to meet me and hang out then he would of made it happen. Am I wrong here?
    So this last week I made my final attempt to invite this friend out. The “girls” night out to be exact.
    He said he would be there. 
    I sat there with the girls for hours, waiting for him to show. Then at midnight (yes I waited till freakin midnight) I gave up hope and went with the majority vote of the girls to head to “that” bar, you know the one I wasn’t even supposed to go to.
    I did not text or call my friend, as he does not have a cell for me to contact him.  So I assumed that if he wasn’t there at midnight he probably wasn't coming.
    Wouldn’t you assume the same thing? Is it just me, or who heads out to a bar at midnight?  To my knowledge he wasn’t already out.
    My initial thought was, he had never really planned on meeting me. He was just blowing smoke up my ass.
    Which hurt my feelings. I thought we had patched things up. Then I got mad. WTF!
    I guess my friendship wasn’t all that important after all.
    So the girls head out to the “meat market” as the sportsman likes to call it.
    And I find out that my friend showed up right after we left.
    (Let me put it out there that I didn’t know this little fact till the next day)
    So anyways, after I got a ride back to my car (at the original bar), from the “meat market” bar.  I decided that the night was still young and I would run by my other friends house.
    I only got to briefly chat with him at the bar earlier in the night.
    It was after all a girls night out.
    So after I got to my car, I texted him to see where he was.
    I was in luck, he was leaving the bar and heading home. 
    He asked me to meet him there.
    Excellent timing, and what a great way to end the night.
    So I headed over to my friends house, and waited in the driveway for him to show up.
    Now I knew he would have a friend with him. Cause I talked to both of them at the original bar.
    What I had not expected was my “other” friend that I was supposed to meet earlier in the evening, (that never showed) to also be in the car with them.
    Ohhhhhhhhh, holy shit! That is sooooooooooooo not good.
    If you read back to HERE, in the original Death of a Friendship” . 
    You will see that these are the same two men.
    My friendship with the 2nd guy is the reason for the death of
    my friendship with guy no 1.
    So you can imagine the guilt I felt seeing him get out of the car and here I am at our mutual friend’s house, in the middle of the night.
    I stayed for awhile. Thats all I will say.
    I won't give you details, cause that is not what this post is about. I will just say that my friend is back to not speaking to me again.
    I have now come to the conclusion that I just can't worry about him anymore. Or try and patch up this friendship on my own. If he is done, then so am I.
    I don't beg . Ever. For anyone.
    It makes me very sad to say this, but I just can’t carry the load anymore. I will only try for so long before I call it quits.
    I said it before and I will say it now, friendships shouldn't be this difficult to maintain.
    So heres Goodbye, to a great guy.
    I wish him well, honestly I do.
     It's just too bad
    he couldn’t forgive me
    and move past all this.
    Good luck old friend.

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