Monday, January 31, 2011

It's getting HOT in here

    A week or so ago  I met this guy, at the gym. I was finishing my work out and I always end it with the bike.  The sportsman was there but he was off doing a different cardio.  So I sat down on the last available bike. Which so happend to be next to this really hot guy. (FYI on an average the early hours I go to the gym, I normally end up next to a gentleman around the age of 8 0 )
    Everyone knows as a norm I do not talk to people while I’m working out. I am very dedicated when I am at the gym. There is No messing around. 
    on this particular day, I looked up at the set of TV's and noticed that out of three, there were two that had freakin cartoons on it and one that had some damn food channel.
    Are you freakin shittin me?
    So I take my ear bud out of one ear and mention this to the guy next to me, cause I just can’t freakin believe it.
    well that in turn started a conversation, where I found out that this guy used to go to the same HS as me, he used to live my the neighborhood I live in now, and he used to work for the same company I do now.
    All this in a 20 min conversation. Yes, I have been known to be chatty.
    So here I am cahtting it up with this super hot guy and the sportsman walks by and gives me the death stare.  WTF, really.  Don’t even go there.
    Did I mention that this guy doesn't even have a membership to my gym. He just paid for the day and was meeting one of his buddies there.  So the odds I ever see him again are slim to none.
    So no harm, no foul.
    Besides  I wasn’t even doing anything freakin wrong , just talkin. Geez
    So, after we leave the gym the sportsman is being all pissy.
     So I ask him what the fuck is wrong?
    He says nothing. I know better, something has pissed him off.
    So, I say "I know you pissed about someting what the fuck is it"?
    So, he says that he finds it odd that I never talk to anyone in the gym and that particular day I chose to talk to this guy (hot guy). W h a t e v e r!
    By the next day its all been forgotten.
    So take you to the present, I go to the gym like normal.
    I’m doing my cardio and I look up at the gym TV’s and Ill be damned if there aren’t freakin cartoons on again.
    Which I immediately think of the hot guy from before, I had actually completely forgotten all about him.
    So I continue my workout, I'm there for over 2 hours and finish up on the bike as usual.
    Guess who walks by?  I can’t freakin believe it.  The hot guy. What are the freakin odds?
    He smiles and says "you're still here". I smile and go about my business. (thats me being GOOD)
    Then he comes back and sits down right next to me.
    Did I mention this guy has the most beautiful eyes? or that he has a very deep sexy voice? NO? Well I probably shouldn't think about it either.  Just gets me into trouble. Which I DON'T need.
    So, I say hi.
    I make some comment about no cartoons today. He smiles.
    He says he was supposed to meet his friend, but his friend likes to come too late.
    (At this point Im beginning to wonder if there really is a friend, cause I have yet to see him)
    Then I put my headphones back on.  See I can behave myself people.
    I go back to pretending I’m focusing on my work out. (He actually kinda makes me nervous)
    Thank goodness I only had 5 min left on the bike. In fact, I quit even before my time was up and went on to do 2 more arm/back things just to remove myself from the situation.
    (Note: there wasn’t really a “situation” but I was preventing one from happening)
    Then when It was time to go, Not sure what came over me but I walked over and introduced myself. To the hot guy.
    I figure if we keep meeting like this I should at least know the poor boys name.
    Which by the way is Brett.
    So as I'm getting ready to leave I head to the locker room to get my hoodie and notice my hair is all over the place. Isn’t that just fuckin awesome.  I looked like a dumbass. Oh well.
    It’s a sign. That I should be at the gym just to work out.
    At the very least, I made a new friend.
    Who already accepts me, when I look like shit.
    You can never have enough friend’s.
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Friday, January 28, 2011

Getting Kittycats house in order

    Recently I ran into Mr. Big. 
    It was kinda nice. We had a nice long heart to heart chat.
    When I left I felt like things were finally in a good place for both of us. 

    I finally got that inner peace I was looking for, about how things ended. I think we can now be good friends and not have any hurt invloved.
     It was a h u g e relief.
    Isn’t that nice when things go well.
    So it made me think, this is a good time to clean house so to speak. You know get my life in order. Make a list, take control, and make decisions of what direction I am moving in the future.
    In the past 8 months I have just been all over the place, not really having a plan. Just wandering about aimlessly.
    Now, don't get me wrong I've had the best freakin time of my life.
    I can honestly say that at age 41 I had the best year of my life.
    It’s a close second to my 28th year.
    Now I realize that life doesn’t always require a plan or a list.
    Sometimes its ok to just wander.
    But for me, right now not having a plan is just too much. 
    Running wild and free for awhile is nice, but not very responsible.
    I have been recklessly wild for too long now.
    Time to reel myself back in.
    Set some goals for my near future.
    Besides I feel like all the running around, late nights, alcohol and emotional stress from being naughty has started to age me. 
    I feel like I’m starting to actually look old, and that r e a l l y bothers me. A L O T
    So one of my biggest decisions is less time out at the bars.  Cut way back on the alcohol, and back to my early bed times.  Sorry M.H. and K.G. 

    We have had a wild ride and alot of fun, but all good things must come to an end eventually.
    I know soooo freakin boring right.  It's just something I have to do. 
    Spring time is coming soon, and I want to have a plan in place.
    A healthier lifestyle you know.
    That is a plan. Makes me feel good already.
    A life free of complications, worry and stress.
    Sounds good no?
    Wish me luck!

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Thursday, January 27, 2011

WE will, We will, Rock You- Kittycats Naughty Photos

    I know that when I started my original blog blank –blank(can't repeat it here since I had to go anonymous) I was mostly talking about soccer and misc stuff. 
    I am not sure at what point it changed. Maybe when I had my stalker, or maybe when I had to change my blog cause of the crazy fucking soccer parent, or when I started losing weight. 
    I don’t really know.  
    Possibly all of the above.
    Regardless it changed.
    I met some new ppl. Was introduced to the HNT, and the OHNT site.
    So it began,
    the half nekkid photos
    of me
    h e r e.
    And a few over at OHNT.(NO, I won't tell you which ones, you dirty dawgs)
    It wasn’t my plan to splash my blog with nekkid photos of myself.  It just happened.
    I look back now and think that one of my biggest reasons was I finally looked good. 
    NO, really g o o d. Actually the best I have ever looked, even counting HS. Now, I have never really been over weight. I just started wanting to get into shape.
    But theres just something about when you finally feel good about yourself where you just wanna share it with the world.  It’s kinda like getting a new set of boobs. If you have ever known a women who got a "boob job" you totally know what I am talking about. 
    You wanna show everyone how freakin awesome they are.
    Now I'm not saying I am ashamed, maybe I should be but I'm not. I'm just saying that I know it kinda muddied the waters h e r e. 
    I have all kinds of readers here.  Not all of them are into crazy kinda shit like me. and some definately not into nekkid photos.
    I feel like I have scared some people off.
     Which is unfortunate.  That was not my intention.
    I just think I got a little carried away, in showing off my “goods” that I was soooo proud of. 

    When really I should of just kept it private and enjoyed the inner pride of setting my mind to something and following thru, and ending with freakin amazing results.
    So this is the biggest reason why I won’t be participating in HNT anymore.  I still think its an awesome way to express yourself. And I will still look at other peoples photos.
    I just think that since my blog has a multitude of different topics and is not all “porn” like I should stick to some sort of middle of the road subject matter.

    I hope everyone understands. I would just feel horrible if I offended anyone.
    Now Im not saying that I won’t have some weird shit that I post and there will be the occasional blogs where I say fuck a lot.

    There just won’t be anymore nekkid photos here. 
     I will still “rock you” just in a different way.
    It’s all good,
     you know.
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Sex Book- Things I've learned

    If you have been reading me for awhile you know from an old post that I bought this sex book, with high hopes, as a way to try and mix it up with the sportsman.
    Which I personally got alot from it.
    I think the sportsman actually read it a little or was it the photos he was checking out? I don’t know.
    maybe both.
    As far as it really helping out our relationship. I’m sorry to say that no book is gonna help my marriage. In that department anyways.
    The book was great, and again I did learn alot.
    Honestly, either you get it or you don’t. I’m not saying that the sportsman doesn’t get it, I’m saying that he is just not doing it the way I like it.
    and then there are the complications.
    I'm not sure these things will/or can be changed by just reading a book.
    Which has been super frustrating to me.
    This has been the biggest problem in our relationship for awhile now.
    So much so, which is why I have looked elsewhere.
    To find that one thing I am missing.
    I know alot of you disapprove.  I also know sex isn’t everything.

    I have heard that many times from many people.
    I have to say that it is a damn big part of a relathionship.

    Im not writing today about how I have been a cheater, but more about the expectations of a book.  It did not save my relationhip but it did have alot of really good informational type stuff in it.
    So my final review about this book is that
    I expected too much out of it. 
    I have only myself to blame.
    That doesnt mean
     I wouldnt still recommend it to others.
    Just sayin...........
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The Quirky Kittycat

    So I’m pretty sure e v e r y o n e
    has just a little bit of OCD in them.
    Even ME!
    Honestly, I don’t think I’m all that “particular”.
    Until I watch some shows (like Monk) with someone who truly has it and then it makes me think of all the things that I am kinda
     w e i r d about.
    The more I think about it the more I think I might be just a tad bit strange. No ones perfect though right?
    So I decided to make a list, of all the things that I’m weird about.  Of course after making the list I then felt even more defective.  Now I’m thinking that maybe I should not have made that freakin list.
    With all these “issues” does that mean I should be on medication?  It’s not that any of my issues, are really all that bad. But maybe it might help. Not sure. but then that goes back to my anxiety issues. I cant freakin win here.
    So anyways here is my list:
    -All my clothes in my closet are placed in there by color. All reds are together, all blues, all blacks, and so on so forth; No big deal right. If they get out of order I don’t freak out or anything. I also hang up all the soccerboys clothes the same way, by color.
    -I am a super germ freak; not as bad now but in the beginning when I was first diagnosed, back then I was over the top.  Which isn’t good. In the end, all it does is stress you out which is b a d for your health. However, I still will not sit down on a public toilet seat. Ewwwwwwww
    -At night I am obsessed with checking all the doors to make sure they are locked;
    I don’t sleep well cause I’m always getting up and making the rounds to check the locks. I think it comes from when I lived alone in California.
    -I never let my gas tank get below a ½ tank; I’ve always be afraid of running out of gas and being stranded somewhere.
    -I count to myself before I sit down on the toilet seat; 1, 2, 3. Not sure why. I think it was something I got from an anti-anxiety book.  I’m not saying that going to the bathroom stresses me out or anything. Just a habit I got into.
    -I won’t drink pop from a can, and before I pour it in a glass I have to wash the top off first;  Do you know how many peoples hands and dirty things come across the tops of those cans? Ewwwwwwww
    I am sure there are more I just can't think of them right now.
    So do these things make me defective? Or bad "relationship material"?
    I don’t think so, everyone has defects. Right?
    Some small, some big. 
     I don’t think I am too different than the average person.
    So tell me, do any of you have
    little quirks that you keep secret?
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Kittycat L o v e s SPORTS Radio

    Say Hello to, Mike Golic & Mike Greenberg.
    I wanted to write about these two awesome guys today, well cause I listen/watch them every morning.
    I normally watch them on TV at home while I am getting ready for work. Then about 50% of the time I turn it on in the car and listen on my drive into work.
    Now if you are not into sports, well then you probably don’t have a freakin clue who these guys are.  Nor do you probably care.
    But for the rest of you……….
    If you love sports ,well then you totally freakin get it.
    So heres a little bit of 411, for those of you who DON’T have a clue.
    Mike and Mike in the Morning is an American sports-talk radio show hosted by Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg on ESPN Radio and simulcast on television, normally on ESPN2.
    The show primarily focuses on the day's biggest sports topics and the ever  humorous banter between the two Mikes.
    The duo recently celebrated 10 years of doing this show together.
    Why? Cause they are freakin AWESOME!
    One of the reasons behind me tuning in is I really like to hear them talk.
    I am a voice person.  I have a thing about sexy voices, and well I Love talk radio.
    More specifically, I love sports radio.

    Dude and I totally love their bobble head collection. Just check it out.
    I would love to work in a place like that.

    Can you imgaine, Kittycat a sports announcer?

    Hmmmmmmm, Theres a thought.
    I think I could totally do it!

    So anyways, to me this is one great place to go and get your sports information, gossip, and updates etc.
    It’s important so that when I am at work with the guys and they all want to talk “shop” I know what/who the hell they are talking about.
    You should totally go check them out.
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Monday, January 24, 2011

Drowning...... Thank goodness for friends

    I am normally a happy go lucky kinda girl. As of late I am struggling, in the area of happiness.
    I'm not having a pitty party or anything.
    It has come in spurts, like the sun on a partly cloudy day.
    I know that the winter time in general puts a lot of people in a funk. The gloomy skies, and the cold tempretures.

    I think I am doubly going thru a bit of the funk asses cause of my current situation.
    I am in total limbo right now with my life.  And I hate that.
    I don’t want to be one of those “pessimistic” type of people. 
     I want to be the happy carefree girl.  A g a i n.
    I am really alot of fun when I am not sad. I am really.
    This is the Kittycat, making others happy
    Good friends can make a big difference during times like these.
    I am one of “those” kinds of friends, you know the ones that always helps out others in need.
    I’m the one people go to for a shoulder to lean/cry on.
    I am a awesome friend like that.
    I’m the loyal and committed for life kinda of friend.
    So right now that’s what I need.
    My good friends to be here to help me thru this crap time in my life. 
    To help remind me that there is a good life out there. To make me see it.
    So that I can get back to the sunshine type of days.
    I know they (sunshinny days) are there, I just can't seem to reach them right now.
    I’m a realist, I know nothing comes easy.
    Just hoping for it to be a little easier
    with my good friends around.
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The anxious KittyCat

    In the last week, I have allowed my anxiety to take over my life, a g a i n.  I say allowed cause I have the choice to allow my fears to effect me.
    I wake each morning dreading all of my fears.
    Things like,
    • Interacting with friends;
    • The drive into work;
    • Waiting to hear from someone;
    • Food I will or will not eat;
    • Dealing with unpleasant things;
    • My health;
    Anyone who has ever experienced anxiety issues knows what I am talking about it. The fears completely take over you.
    I catch my self, holding my breath like that is gonna ease my fears.
    I get this pain deep in the pit of my stomach, and then I break out in a cold sweat.
    None of it's good shit, and it all sucks ass.
    I have not had anxiety issues in over 8 months. Until……………………………….
    Well, this last week.  I know what the cause of it is. 
    And have been choosing not to deal with the issue at hand.
    I have had too much on my plate. I have been trying to deal with too many things that are not within my control.
    I can not take any medications, there for dealing with my anxiety is somewhat of a big deal. I can’t just pop a little pill and make everything all freakin better.
    It sucks.
    I have to do things like mental soothing and breathing techniques to help me get through it.
    Ultimately I have to deal with what is bringing on my anxiety.
    Confront it head on. 
    When it would be a hell of alot easier to just sweep it all under the rug.
    I made a decision last night to not allow this to happen anymore.
    I am going to attempt to take back control of my life, and not allow anything to affect me negatively.
    It’s not easy being me.
    I choose to try and make a change.
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Friday, January 21, 2011

Am I a Magnet for ..............

    Am I a magnet for pain and suffering?
    I wonder sometimes.
    Why is it that "it" always finds me. I never look for it.
    I'm kinda scared about being back out in the dating scene again. That it will open me up to get hurt again.
    Am I just too nice? Am I too trusting?

    What the fuck!
    How do you deal with it?
    Do have only flings?
    Do share your fears up front?
    Do you just shut down?
    Enjoy the time alone.
    Do you just pretend that it has never happend to you?
    Buck up little camper attitude.
    Is it possible to eventually allow someone back into my heart?
    After all the torture I have endured from past encounters. Even the most recently.
    I don't look for it.
    Do I trust too much? Since I believe in what someone tells me whole heartedly.
    Does that make me dumb? Gullable? A Sucker?
    Do men see me coming and think that I'm an easy target?
    I am a strong person, don't get me wrong. I am very driven.
    But sometimes a heart can only take so much before it just shuts down.
    Does this make me defective?
    I'm worried that being back out there in the market so to speak that I will get my heart broken.
    Is that a bad outlook to have? I'm not even there and already I am worrying.

    There is a good reason for my fear.

    In case you have never experienced “it”, having your heart broken, let me share with you just what it feels like.
     A broken heart feels like someone has reached inside your chest and ripped it out.  
     It's very  extremely fucking painfull. 
    and who the hell wants to experience that.
    More than once.
    In the end you are left with the feeling of what the fuck did I do wrong? 
    What mistake did I make this time?
    Don't I deserve to be happy ? is it safer to not experince love, for fear of the heart break.

    Should I put myself back out there? Or should I just stop trusting everyone and protect my heart?
    I don't want to grow old by myself.
    How do you deal with the hurt inflicted by another? Intentional or not.
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