My Dirty Little Secret

Mr Big was my "Dirty Little Secret".


Today is totally about me.
So as you read this you have been warned up front.
It's all ME ME ME.
Get it.


and well a  little about, "Mr Big".


When "Mr. Big" came into my life, I wasn't thinking "Wow this seems like a good time to have an affair". No really.


I wasn't out "LOOKING" for anyone or anything.
I was just out hanging with friends.


That’s when I met "Mr.Big". I won't go into any back story.
(about how we met in a bar or anything)


My point today is, "Mr.Big" taught me some things and helped me realize some things about myself.
So while it’s not something I should be proud of (cheating) I am a better person because of it.
Does that make any sense? I have learned things.
Isn't that what makes people better, learning from mistakes.


YES, I know it was way w r o n g.
I know that my actions hurt people. Not just the sportsman.
and I am truly sorry for that. If I could take that part back I would.
But


That’s not what I am writing about today.
I am writing about h o w it changed ME.


I can't say I regret it, when I don't.
I’m just being honest.
Have I moved on? Yes.


Don’t judge, you know I have learned from all this. It would be different if I had not learned anything.
I promise this was not a total waste of time.


So back to "Mr.Big".


Mr. Big taught me to look outside my box. He helped me be more comfortable with my body/appearance.
Hence the whole "cowgirl" thing. ok, and well the BJ thing too.
If I’m being honest and all here might as well lay it all out.


There was more there than just the sex stuff between us.


I sooooooo want us to remain friends.
He is an amazing guy.
So much fun to hang out with and talk to.
He always made me laugh.
He just really gets me. You know.


Mr. Big made me realize that there was more to life than always worrying about my health.
Because of him I had the best summer of my life. Worry free.


You just can’t top that kind of experience.
His friendship has deeply impacted my life.


Mr. Big will forever be in my heart.
I know that he probably doesn’t believe that.
Or maybe he doesn’t want to know or hear that.


I know he is probably not happy with me right now.
and I am soooo sorry for that.


See I wrote him a letter. Ok, I freakin typed him a letter.
I know that doesn’t seem very personal.
but, in my defense, I couldn’t call him, or text him, or even email him, without Mr.Big always convincing me to not end things. (He's really good at that)


I don’t have the strength to do it any of those ways. So I wrote(typed) a letter. I typed it since while writing it, I changed my mind of what needed to say like a million freakin times.
I was also encouraged to do this by my good friend K.G.


But see, it's alot harder than you think. When you don't really want to do it but you know you h a v e  to.
Damn that Forbidden desire.


Ok, so back to my point, the was coming New Year up and I thought that if I was going to really get my shit together and give 100 percent to making a change and commit to the sportsman, it seemed like the New Year was the time to do it.


So here I am remembering, treasuring and putting behind me all the things that made my time with "Mr. Big", well BIG in my life.
So I can focus on my future.


I just don't ever want to forget my wonderful experience with "Mr.Big".





 



Who could forget this?
NOT me!


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