Friday, October 29, 2010

Rose Colored Glasses

    Have you heard the saying?
     I'm sure you have.
    "To view something with rose colored glasses".

    I have prayed alot lately to be able to see my sportsman with rose colored glasses.
    Yes, I pray. and no its not any big freakin secert that I believe in God.
    So I have been praying to see no flaws in my sportsman.
    So that I can fall back in love with him again.
    So that we can have the life together we should have.
    So that I can over look the sex issues that I have with him. 
    So that I can stay committed to only my sportsman.
    So recently we went to a concert. 
    We go to concerts all the time.
    Concerts are after all one of the few things that we both truly enjoy and have a kickass time together.
    So at this most recent concert, it finally came to me. Hit me like a ton of bricks. While the sportsman was gently stroking my hair and kissing my neck.
    The sportsman, he does e v e r y t h i n g right.
    He says all the right things, he touches me in all the right ways, 
     I truly mean e v e r y t h i n g to him. 
    During the song “The Bleeding” by Five Finger Death Punch, I opened my eyes for the first time.
    The sportsman would do  a n y t h i n g  for me. 
    HE WANTS ME! Only ME!
    What a freakin awesome deal.
    I should feel so lucky.
    That he is sooooo damn loyal.
    For whatever reason I had been blind to all of that.
    I was so busy pushing him away over the (1) sex thing.
    Granted it is a  b i g thing, don't get me wrong,
    but I have come to terms that it is not everything in the grand scheme of things.  For real people it really isn't.
    So recently my mother dropped off a cd that she wanted me to listen to.
    I said fine, dropped it on the table and didn’t think twice about it.
    On my drive in I popped it into my cd player and gave it a listen.
    Did I tell you that this cd was a christain rock band? No?
    Well it was.  The music on the cd made me cry all the way in to work.  Which I don't normally do. It just I have been going thru sooo much emtional shit lately. I had to finally let some of it out.
    It made me think about how much I have really fucked up lately.
    Then when I got to work , the only station that would come in on my freakin radio was K-LOVE, the christain radio station.
     Is that a freakin sign or what.
    So as I sat here at work, and reflected on all that has happened so far this morning. It made me really think .

    It made me think back to all my good friends, who have been very supportive of me even though I have made some bad choices recently.  Thank You.
    They kept telling me that I owed it to the sportsman to give him a chance.
    So besides God, I truly have two people to thank.
    One is Jersey Girl Gets Real and the other is Mashugamom.  
    They both were very supportive of me, and were also pretty adamant that I not end my marriage over this one thing.
    So thank you both for being such good friends.
    Sorry it took me so long to finally get "it" thru my thick skull.
    I honestly finally get it .
    It just took me a while to get my shit together.
    Better late than never right?

    While I’m not perfect, for real.
     I know that I will make mistakes along the way,
     thats only human right?
    I can tell you that I am now
    on the right path to make my marriage work.
    Even if It is with the help of
    some rose colored glasses.
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